The 2 Ways to Respond to Frustration
Each of us faces countless frustrations every day - many, many times. Frustration happens when our attempts to meet our physical or emotional needs are challenged. Oftentimes these frustrations center around the actions or inactions of other people. Here’s a few examples:
You're late to work and the person in front of us is going 10 miles below the speed limit.
Your co-worker didn't do their share of the report, so now you have to stay late to finish it.
Your spouse has not done their share of the chores and the house is a mess.
Our basic thoughts about these frustrations goes something along the lines of: “If only they would_________, I wouldn't be having this problem.”
Unfortunately, we'll never get people to always behave in a way that perfectly meets all our needs. Frustration will always be part of our daily lives. However, we do have the ability to choose how think about these frustrations and the choice we make has is one of the biggest determiners of our health, happiness, and quality of our relationships.
Read on to learn more about which choice you use and how it affects you.
What's Your Conflict Style?
Two people facing the same conflict will often respond in entirely different ways. A response that feels easy, practical, and effective for one person may prove to be quite challenging for another. Thomas, K.W., and R.H. Kilmann, creators of the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument, identified five primary conflict styles that people tend to use. Although we may vary the style we use depending on nature the conflict situation, most of us tend to fall back on one style that feels most comfortable - even if it's not particularly helpful. No one style is perfect. They are all helpful in some situations and unhelpful in others. Understanding the various conflict styles, your personal preference, and the pros and cons of each one can help you become more adaptive and effective at managing conflicts. Read on to learn about each conflict style!
Guest Post on Tiny Buddha
This week I am happy to have the opportunity to be a guest contributor on tiny buddha! More than a website tiny buddha is a living community of individuals coming together to learn and share practical wisdom. In the worlds of creator Lori Deschene "Tiny Buddha is about reflecting on simple wisdom and learning new ways to apply it to our complex lives—complete with responsibilities, struggles, dreams, and relationships. Over the last four years, Tiny Buddha has emerged as a leading resource for peace and happiness, with more than two million monthly readers."
It's an honor to be featured on this amazing site! Adding to my excitement is the fact that I got to write about my favorite topic: relationship conflict (I know - I'm kind of weird)! The article is called "The Most Powerful Way to Resolve Relationship Conflicts". It features insight I've gained through my relationship with my husband and a simple practice to help you gain increased clarity and strength to deal with conflict before you engage with the other person. I'd love if you would give it a read and let me know what you think. And while you're there, check out the many other amazing articles and resources tiny buddha has to offer!
What is Conflict Coaching?
Relationship conflicts (with co-workers, partners, friends, or family members) are an unavoidable part of life, and can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety. Even the most successful individuals often struggle to handle conflicts effectively, and poorly-managed disputes can lead to a variety of destructive consequences.
Conflict Coaching is designed to help you enhance your confidence and competence in managing conflicts. It is currently the fastest-growing form of dispute resolution.
Coaching is a structured series of powerful, one-on-one conversations where a trained coach assists clients in developing the knowledge, skills, and confidence to more effectively manage disputes. Coaching also enhances the client's overall conflict competence, so that they may engage in future conflicts more constructively. Learn more about how Conflict Coaching can help you.